it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
