i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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