You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
