The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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