you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Watching her eat just hurts me
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
