there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
