Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
