Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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