So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
