her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
