none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
