i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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