There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
