meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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