Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
