i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She announced her abortion via fbk
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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