i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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