I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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