i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm too high and old for this...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
