I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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