The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
