She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
