Are we in a gay sports bar?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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