You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
