oh god the rape fog is back!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Holy sore nipples Batman
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
