Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
