i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
