before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
