so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
