so explain again why im purple
no
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
