i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
