ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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