No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
