She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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