Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
