Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You are the jesus of drinking
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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