THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
