I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
