sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
