A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
