hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
