I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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