Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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