so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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