I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize