doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
