and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
