your room smells of hookers.
And success
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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