Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
