Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize