I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
