No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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