But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
After last night, I could never be a politician.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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