theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
