dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
