Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
