I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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