Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
