She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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