You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
