Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
