Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
