We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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