Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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