Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
