and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
