Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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