Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
