I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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