some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i drank out of a bidet.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
