First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
